Experience:Methylphenidate 88mg (Oral) + Caffeine 160mg - Irresponsibly Compulsive Library Tweak
- Substance(s): Methylphenidate -- Caffeine
- Dose: 70mg XR spansules + 18mg IR [88mg total] -- 160mg
- Route of Administration: Oral
Subject
- Age: 21
- Sex: Male
- Height: 6'1"
- Weight: 157lbs
- Date: 04/2023
- Location: Library; University; Bus; Home
Background
Highly experienced with methylphenidate in high doses, but haven't experimented with high doses of XR spansules. For the unaware, spansules are those dense beads inside of a gel capsule, a format certain medications use to extend the duration of the drug. The most common example is Adderall, but other medicines such as Foquest, which is methylphenidate XR and the version of methyl I use in the report, use this format as well. This is important to mention, as spansules produce a different duration and subjective experience compared to other XR formats of methylphenidate, such as the expanding wax and IR coating Concerta uses. I'm extensively experienced with all substance types and have the wherewithal to handle difficult experiences with them. I understand and acknowledge my limits, and understood the risks and potential hazards going in, accepting any harm that could have been inflicted on my body. Despite all that, I am still an irresponsible person particularly vulnerable to compulsive decision-making, which serves as the bulk of this experience report. The goal of this experience was to try XR spansules in recreational dosages, and compare it to proportionately equivalent doses of IR. I also provided myself the option of redosing, which I utilized (unfortunately). I take lamotrigine 100mg daily for bipolar II maintenance (during the report I was in a depression; this added to my recklessness and lack of care for my own wellbeing), and 35mg Foquest 5x a week for ADD-I. The IR redose was made by crushing Foquest spansules, which produces IR methylphenidate powder. I didn't know at the start of this experience, but I was beginning to get sick and during the report it was progressively getting worse, so that unexpectedly made my Set worse, and the two made each other's negative effects stronger.
Experience report
Editor's notes in [square brackets].
T: 0.00 -- 11.20
I uninstalled and blocked social media on my laptop so I can focus on the experience and studying. I plan on spending the next 8 hours at school. I just took 2x 35mg Methylphenidate XR in Foquest form, so it should be around 8h total duration minus after effects post-comedown [This turned out to be accurate]. I also have 18mg IR reups prepared. I have Ativan in case something goes wrong. I'm not afraid of being high in public. I am at the university library quiet section. Just ate a big meal. I have a shitty lunch prepared. I've got 1 lecture and 1 tutorial later. I've got studying to do to make up for lost time.
T: 0.15
Already I'm beginning to feel a difference. Subtle stimulation, narrowing vision. I'm excited. I put on Deepchord presents Echospace - Liumin in prep.
T: 0.30
I'm actually interested in intermediate microeconomics right now which is surprising. I'm honestly not sure if that's an effect of the impending high or if that's because understanding why I'm fucking up the assignment is driving me to give a fuck. Regardless, thoughts are accelerating dramatically and I feel perked up. I'm on minimal sleep (6 hours + glaring sleep apnea + woke up like 7 times in the night) and suddenly I feel awake. I want some caffeine but my pills are 200mg and I feel that would hurt me. It's better to be patient for now. Methylphenidate doesn't perk me up like caffeine does; the sand will remain in my eyes even if the Methyl makes me awake mentally. Tuning into the hypnotic rhythm is already amazing right now. Back to studying.
T: 1.00
Time constriction. The methylphenidate is making me pretty bloated right now. I attribute that to increased GI motility, which makes sense. I'm very focused on what I'm doing and time blows past me like water on a duck's ass. I'm figuring out how cost minimization works on a perfect substitutes production function given a level of output. It's as dull as it sounds! I don't feel like I'm peaking yet. This is likely because I ate til full before taking the methyl. Still coming up it feels like. I feel tingly and tense. It's not unpleasant, actually. No rush like eating lots of IR does, just gradual increase. Lovely. I don't know why I don't do this more often than the IR, actually. This is the first I've tried this in 5 years come to think of it (that time it was 72mg concerta as far as I remember.) Back to it.
T: 1.10
Amazingly, it's hit me all at once. Suddenly feeling the stim body feeling. I'm getting cold now and I can't stop shaking my leg (always happens). Thoughts connect seamlessly and the acceleration leads to very quick problem solving. Learning a lot through experience, and little from the text. Suddenly the problems all make sense, something I can't say for the 4 hour study session I had a few days ago on caffeine alone. Very nice. Can feel my heart is working harder, not in a concerning way at all. I've learned to ignore such things. Typing all this is entertaining and I feel I could go on for hours. I need to stop now. Restarted my album because I can't think of anything else to put on.
T: 1.15
Vasoconstriction in the fingers. Cold and tight, not uncomfortably so, but present enough. Heart rate is actually surprisingly slow, maybe 70 BPM.
T: 1.30
Thoughts are at lightning speed. Feel some decent euphoria, nothing crazy. GERD is acting up, I think that's because of the methyl in this case.
T: 1.45
Initial rush has faded. I can't even believe that nearly 2 hours have passed. I'm craving more of this but I'll save the redosing til after my classes. I don't wanna risk overdoing it when I'm already at a sufficiently productive level. That would be reckless hedonism at best and the death of my productivity at worst. In other words, I feel the compulsive need to redose, though less so than with IR which is unique :^)
Somehow, I'm genuinely interested in writing definitions right now. Probably because it allows my racing mind to get it all down in a tangible form, same as how I like writing this report.
T: 2.15
Fidgety and picking my fingers a lot more than usual. I have a 1.15h lecture in 25 minutes but my workflow is so good right now that I don't really want to attend, though that idea goes against my better judgment. My prof is so dry, slow, and repetitive that I find it hard to sit still during his lectures even when I'm sober. But, I'm fairly certain it's a review lecture, though I'm not really sure [it wasn't]. I'll defer to my better judgment and attend, as much as this'll probably kill me internally and waste precious studytime.
A few minutes have passed and I've changed my mind, I'm going to let my flow continue. It's rare when this happens and I'm not about to waste it on new material. Opportunity costs amirite? That means my last class will be in 2.20h, that's enough time for me. Also permits an adequately timed redose should I choose to do so.
T: 2.25
Stood up just to pee and walking felt oddly nice. My body is disproportionately relaxed when compared to how I would ordinarily feel on a proportionate IR methylphenidate dosage, seems like the intensity of the effects aren't correlated when comparing XR to IR at proportionately equivalent dosages. Very interesting. My body is totally relaxed whereas if I'd done this on IR I would be tense and anxious with a big rush. Here I feel cool and collected. The subtle euphoria continues deep in my body and less so in my mind, seemingly constant instead of off-and-on as with IR stimulants. Maybe XR is the way to go for both recreation and productivity? Interesting if true.
I realize I need more dub to trance to and decide on one I haven't heard, Deepchord presents Echospace - The Coldest Season.
It feels like these productivity timers go off every 10 minutes. They're set to every half hour.
T: 2.35
Just a random thought, but if I tried to meditate right now it would be fucking impossible. My thoughts are inundating my brain with stuff at all times and it's hard to get a grip on just one item at a time. Also, not sure if I mentioned it but I have zero anxiety or paranoia at the moment. This is the calmest high(er) dose Methylphenidate experience I've ever had, and I didn't even take any depressants or anything special for this. Remarkable.
T: 2.50
It's odd, it's like it's mildly fluctuating in intensity. Very subtly, but I have moments of distinct mental stimulation, then moments where I feel a slight decrease in that feeling. In unrelated news, I'm desperately craving a Monster Energy right now. It's stupid as hell, but the combo of that with methylphenidate always gives me strong euphoria and (intuitively) a stronger stimulant buzz [This is a stupid combination, and it didn't produce either effect this time; don't do this!]. I'll get one later, for now I'm gonna wait and see what happens next.
T: 3.00
Desperately want to do math problems. It feels like the intensity is dying down which is very odd since Foquest purportedly maintain peaks for 6-8 hours (or at least that's what my doctor said lol). This could be a result of my tolerance to it or from the XR method itself (spansules). Could also have something to do with eating before taking it. Longer duration for less intensity via eating? Who knows. Still want that Monster really badly. Have no felt need for a break which is crazy because normally I would have tapped out after 30 mins. Who knows, maybe I need a higher dose of my medication! Oh the irony!
Actually, now I want to take a mild break just so I can waste money on carbonated caffeine, then change my study topic. Microecon's gotten boring and I have other more important things to do. I've literally been handwriting definitions and relationships between those concept definitions for 2 hours straight now. Sounds like an inordinate amount of time but they're like, full paragraph definitions and there's 12 of them. It's painful, and I wouldn't have done this so seamlessly without the methyl in all honesty.
T: 3.25
I'm eating lunch now and going for that walk had made me notice that I'm more high than I thought I was. Wide eyed, man-on-a-mission walk, feel really hot. I feel like I could talk to someone for hours right now. At the same time, people just feel like a nuisance to me and I'm more assertive than usual. I bought my Monster but now I'm having second thoughts. Unfortunately, I enjoy deferring to my worse judgment. Somehow, eating isn't the worst thing in the world at the moment. I wasn't even hungry, I'm just eating so I don't have a massive sugar crash after drinking the soda, and to retain positive effects.
If I told you what I took you wouldn't doubt me. But anyone else wouldn't be able to tell. I'm really craving a redose. Hedonistic bastard. Later.
T: 3.35
I've been sitting here for 10 minutes? How? I hate my tutorial but I'm going to it anyways.
T: 3.50
Drinking the Monster now. It tastes like shit because I just ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich so the tastes are all muddled and it's kind of disgusting. Just personally, high doses of methyl distort tastes on its own, so this is just 10x worse. All I can taste is the sucralose and it's fucking disgusting. That's annoying as hell. Any time I walk around a bunch of people stare at me. This happens to me normally but when I'm on stimulants it irritates me. I don't look weird or anything either (yeah, trust a guy on stimulants on the Internet on that one!) I'm a tall, good looking man in a black hoodie with his hair tied in a low pony, in blue jeans with boots on. Not really anything weird about that. Probably just paranoia, but maybe I look more high than I think I do?
T: 4.00
It's amazing that even on this dose of stimulants, Statistics still bores the everloving fuck out of me, to the point that the stimulant barely feels like a stimulant anymore ("hey guys, I found the antidote for stimulant overdose! Ever heard of the Tukey Test for use on post-hoc one way analysis of variance?"). Any time I start reading I just feel tired. Goes to show, huh? I think it's nearly time for a reup, but I'm gonna wait til after the tutorial to do that, since I'm still drinking the Monster and I don't wanna add much more variance to this experiment. My plan for the rest of the day after I finish with the tutorial is to bang through all of my remaining Statistics for the semester so I don't have to think about it ever again, so I can then focus on my core courses. I literally cannot do Statistics without being fucked up on stimulants or stoned, it's depressing.
T: 4.10
I think the Monster is going to replace the need for a reup, but given the other bad choices I've made, we'll see about that.
T: 5.50
Worst class yet. That TA frustrates me to begin with, and coupled with the methylphenidate it was so much worse. I got so bored and impatient that I think I unintentionally annoyed him. I sit in the front of all my classes. I could tell just by the way he was looking at me, and his progressively more annoyed attitude, that my visible apathy was really getting to him. Well, that was my last tutorial with him, ever. Bygones.
During it my vision was getting all fuzzy and as of 10 minutes ago I'm starting to feel like I'm coming down. I think those spansules don't last nearly as long as I was told they do, because 6 hours seems very low for an XR [I RESCIND THIS COMMENT LATER]. Now that I'm feeling like this, and the Monster has apparently not fucked me over [but it definitely made the experience worse overall], I'll redose in a bit, just have to think about it. I may not need it, but I sure as shit want it (impulsively).
I should mention that by now my thoughts have slowed down quite a lot. I feel a lot more mellow than I did back at T 4.00, this could also be because I spent so long in the most boring class imaginable. As I was walking back to the library, I had an oh-shit moment where I realized, wow, 6 hours have passed since I dosed. My sense of time has made me feel like only 3 hours have passed, maybe 4. The fact it's 17.10 already is jarring as hell.
I honestly should have just bought a cheap coffee, the Monster isn't pleasant with this combo [NOTE: ALSO DANGEROUS], unlike all the other times I've done this (granted, with lower doses). I would have been better off just redosing with an IR while drinking a coffee instead.
Just based on how I'm feeling right now, I'm expecting the comedown to be somewhat unpleasant. I'll probably just be super bored and exhausted. I still have shit to do though, and I'm willing to risk having a shitty night to get all that done. Once again: Opportunity costs. Before I redose I'm going to just try and study without it for a while to see what happens. By 18.00 or earlier I'll redose 18mg IR, from crushed Foquest spansules.
T: 6.20
Just reread the report to take a break. I have a mild headache now but overall I feel the same. I actually feel a bit less like shit. My vision is still quite fuzzy, like there's TV interference over my vision. I'm a lot more unmotivated to get stuff done than I was earlier. Eyes are starting to unfocus which usually indicates a comedown in my experience.
T: 6.30
I actually forgot to mention this earlier. During this I've felt a distinct dissociation from the world around me, like I took a light dose of ketamine. Nothing crazy, but distinctly there in the background. Things just feel less real than usual which would partially explain my irrational behaviour (and, you know, the large dose of stimulant in my blood right now.)
T: 6.40
Fuck it, I'm redosing 18mg IR. For, uhh... for s-science...? Yeah...
As always with any type of thing like this, I took it and instantly regretted it. In this for real now. I know the dose isn't actually that insane but still. I can already tell I'm gonna be pretty high in a bit here.
I'm still not really sure why I'm doing this in the first place, I'll be honest. [See: Impulsivity; hedonism; procrastination; depression.]
T: 6.50
It's funny, right? You feel like absolute dogshit, start letting the negative feelings overtake you, and then something just distracts you and you feel totally fine again. My girlfriend texted me and I went from silently panicking to feeling good again. Ain't that a kick in the head.
This whole experience is a bit much for me honestly, given this comedown. I don't think I would do this again with XR (LOL YEAH RIGHT HAVE YOU FUCKING READ THIS REPORT?). It really does feel like XR just gives you a worse comedown, it's weird. Anyways, I'm still waiting for the regrettable IR dose to hit me, which it feels like it's coming on right now.
T: 6.55
Head's starting to feel tight. Unsurprising. Honestly just based on how I feel, I completely forgot I even drank a Monster. It was a bad decision, which like, lmao, I realized that before I bought it.
Sitting up makes me feel horrible. Lying back into my chair makes me feel fine. ???
T: 7.00
Redose is definitely hitting now. Anxiety is starting to set in, in stark contrast to the relaxation from way earlier. I expected this, every time I take IR above 15mg I get the distinct rush, and after a bit it just levels out.
T: 7.10
You know when you redose MDMA or coke, how each redose feels like you're adding an artificial layer of "good" onto a natural layer of "terrible"? Yeah that's me right now, just not as bad as how redoses feel on those two drugs.
My GERD is getting bad again and I'm producing a metric fuckton of spit at the moment which is annoying [I have never had this saliva effect from methylphenidate before, and it's definitely not because I was sick, and I've also never heard of this being an effect, but it was heavily present for hours]. My ability to focus is significantly worse than before when I was peaking. If I had antacids I would be taking them right now, my stomach's not happy at all.
T: 7.15
Headache is a bit worse, heart doesn't like me very much right now. Heart rate and all that is fine, but it feels tight. My face feels flushed. I really shouldn't have redosed.
T: 7.20
It's less bad now. I always forget my own experience; it was just the rush. I still feel like shit obviously but not like I'm dying. Just anxiety that gets to me is all.
And suddenly I've relaxed quite a bit.
T: 7.30
Hilarious that the second I start focusing on R code and problem solving instead of on how shit I feel and paranoia that, somehow, a Monster with methyl is going to shut my heart off, I immediately forget about the latter, and instead feel this faint mental euphoria of figuring something out, like the dopamine in my brain is still trying to work its way to the surface but its shit sperm tail is just barely strong enough. I don't feel as bad as I thought I would, honestly, though I'm kind of afraid to stand up right now (paranoia again), but I have to pee. I looked away from my screen and got massive motion blur. Summary: I'm paranoid.
T: 7.40
The irony is strong with this tweak. I feel great now. In a fit of irony I feel like redosing again. I won't, but...
Can you tell I've become obsessive with writing? Ordinarily I would just cut some of this shit out, but I think it's important to leave yourself unfiltered in trip reports. It gives insight into the actual state of mind of the person ingesting the substance. Like good fiction, you should allow your train of thought to take over as opposed to being so formal about it. I've read these reports where people talk like they know every ounce of their brain chemistry like they're some mad scientist and it's agonizing to read, and far from useful. You created a (shit) formula out of subjective experience. Leave your report be.
In related-unrelated news, this report is long as hell! That'll happen when you're on stimulants and love writing. There's not many detailed Methylphenidate reports on the Internet. Not many people appreciate this substance, and especially not in the way that I do [I'd just like to note that if you are going to enjoy this substance, just don't take heavy doses with impulsive redosing and stupid substance combos like I did. It really is a good substance, I just took too much.] Erowid doesn't even have much of a vault for it, which is really odd because the abuse of this substance isn't even rare. It's useful coke that doesn't make me feel like [as much of] a degenerate, with the added benefit of less side effects, longer duration, guaranteed purity, slavery and violence free, and, best of all, it's covered by insurance!
T: 8.00
I stood up to use the washroom and felt dizzy and slow. When I looked in the mirror, my eyes looked like they were tinged slightly yellow, though that could have been from the lighting in there. I'm starting to feel quite hungry again and fatigued because of it. I also just noticed how shaky my hands are. I feel a serious want to redose but I'm doing my best to ignore it. So stupid considering what I went through just an hour ago. I'll be honest, I'm not sure if I'll have the willpower to avoid giving in. Every time, man.
Funny enough, despite complaining about statistics earlier, I really want to do it now (thanks drugs!), but I have to head home since I have no food at the university.
T: 9.10
I've bused home and that was a crazy experience in overstimulation. That and while I made a big smoothie to chug, I felt like I was on the verge of bursting with explosive, anxious energy. It was kind of agonizing to be on the bus, like my head was just begging "fasterfasterfaster." I'm shaking quite a lot right now and while I was making food, I was getting the most insane, rapidfire thoughts in my head that were all based on paranoia, but didn't really stress me out. Like, insane dream scenarios that would never happen but I kept thinking would happen or were happening. Example: I had a thought that my parents were filming me with a camera and texting me to say "smile for the camera!" For the past hour I have been excruciatingly horny, and in general just feel like I'm about to explode. It's pretty anxiety inducing and yet I'm enjoying it now that I'm back in the safety of my home. I think the change of scenery triggered this 180 shift in experience, coupled with the fact that I wasn't distracted with typing or school for so long. I'm not crazy, it seriously was that dramatic of a change, I was feeling almost none of this earlier. Redose, HELL NO! I kind of feel like I should take some ativan but I think I can sit this one out, but I don't know, I'll decide later. I can tell my heart's doing some extra legwork right now. I feel like I'm fucking insane, but at least I'm grounded somewhat in reality (still have the dissociation going on, but now it's stronger, but not convincing.) This has definitely become a tweak.
T: 9.30
I gave in to the horniness expecting a really long drawn out degenerate stimfap but it was over in 10 mins which is surprising.
T: 9.50
The fap actually calmed me the fuck down and I feel mostly ok again. Getting fucked on this stuff is so weird.
And right as I say that, yup, nevermind. Side effects abound. Indeed, this is a strong-heavy dose of methylphenidate. It's like I'll stand up and get a weird pain in my chest or my side or anywhere else. Have a headache that keeps changing places. I can tell that it's wearing down but fuck me. I can feel my heart beating in my chest. Thankfully it's not a fast heartbeat or anything and otherwise feels normal. Breathing is strange and feels like I have to manually do it. Honestly, if I were to do this over again, I would have completely dropped the Monster (duh) and if I did take a reup, I'd only do a max of like 12mg. In fact, if I were to do it over again with some level of intelligence, I would skip the reup entirely. It made me feel good for a bit, but most of this time it's just made me feel like shit. This is what compulsive redosing will do to ya. Lesson fucking learned. This whole experience has been a rollercoaster of feeling good to feeling terrible to feeling ok to feeling like something's actually wrong with me, over and over again. I just want it to end already. Clearly, 70mg XR should be my maximum. I think if you weren't careful this could turn into a paranoid nightmare pretty quickly, especially for the inexperienced.
I don't know what's more unbelievable: How long this trip report is, or the fact that I'm still this high. My vision's still fucked up with the weird fuzziness.
T: 10.30
I'm definitely coming down now. It's strange, you don't notice the sides until they're gone with a lot of drugs, especially non-psychedelics. I didn't notice there was tension in my chest for instance, but now it's gone. It feels like my head was just released from a brace, and I'm feeling the relief of that (headache's still there though).
Something important to note is that earlier I said that those spansules felt like they lasted less than 6 hours. Well, if that's the case, it makes no sense for me to have gotten that uncomfortably high off of an 18mg redose. It had to have lasted 8 hours, give or take. I think what was happening is I was fluctuating and experiencing a really drawn out offset that takes like 4 hours to start truly wearing down. I think I was also just tired from the class. What I'm trying to say is there's no way 18mg could have hit me that hard if the XR had worn off as much as I thought it did. I also know just from my own experience that an IR redose, for me, wouldn't have peaked for 4 hours like it just did. Therefore, if you're gonna take XR methylphenidate in spansules, don't redose until after the 8-10 hour mark if you wanna stay safe, at least in my opinion and experience. It appears to be a rather unpredictable combination, XR + IR in high doses.
T: 11.30
I don't know why but I just spent that hour editing this report. Somehow I feel quite good now despite the fact that I'm literally coming off of a heavy, 88mg methylphenidate high, which is also a substance somewhat notorious for producing harsh comedowns. I have a mild headache and I'm focusing on the complete wrong thing, like I was during this entire report (if you were paying attention to the timestamps you'd have noticed this).
This would have actually been really perfect for studying if I had just stuck to the original 70mg with maybe, MAYBE a 10mg redose at the 8 hour mark to cap it off for the day. This was an accidental experiment in raw hedonism fuelled by extreme impulsivity and harmful confidence. Honestly, I wouldn't have been so impulsive if I just wasn't on the methyl in the first place. That's the thing with stimulants: They make you impulsive, so you take more, so you get more impulsive until something bad happens. I have more self-control than this ordinarily, and I honestly kind of knew something like this would happen given my experience with this substance, but it's still shitty regardless. I'm to blame for my bad experience, not the substance. I did get some studying done, but I could have gotten more done for less. I was pretty much just euphoria chasing which will happen if you aren't careful and responsible.
T: 12.00 -- 23.20
I feel like I've mostly flatlined from the experience (thank god). I still feel this subtle euphoria and, ironically, some good focus, which is weird but I think it's just because this is so much nicer than when I was peaking on the redose, that the comedown has become a relief and not a pain. I'll stop here as I don't think it would be particularly enlightening to continue on with the report to say, hey, you can't sleep for like 4 hours after coming off methylphenidate and you kinda just feel like a bored pile of shit, so take some benzos or Z-drugs if you wanna fall asleep who gives a shit eat some food take some magnesium cry a little bit who cares.
Moral of this absurdly long story? Set a dose and stick to it. Keep your experiments variance-free. Don't add to a strong dose if you aren't even halfway through the experience yet. Don't drink an energy drink on a strong dose of stimulants. Don't be impatient with your drugs. Hide your drugs from yourself so you don't chase euphoria. uhh... If you're obsessed with writing, don't start writing a trip report on your stimulants experience while you're on a strong dose of stimulants when you should be studying. And then whatever else you personally took from this, if anything. If nothing, then I just hope this serves as a good methylphenidate trip report on the Internet.
T: 14.40 -- 02.00
Okay, there's something I'd like to mention. This comedown is terrible, which I was expecting, but wow. I feel completely empty inside, more depressed, fatigued and starving but not really hungry, stomach hates me, chest hurts, walking around is exhausting, I'm anxious and very uncomfortable, and I just want it to be over already. I took 7.5mg zopiclone to just put out the fire already since I don't want to sit this out anymore. I'm not doing it in this high of a dose ever again, the risk-reward is completely skewed and I've been high for way too long. I've been up for 18 hours now and I barely slept the night before. But hey, the zopiclone's setting in and suddenly I don't feel like I'm dying anymore, so that's good.
Well schucks. If there's one thing I got out of this experience, it's the knowledge that this fucking sucks and I'll never have to do it again to figure that out, because this time I wrote it down. I also gained a new source of self-loathing! I'm gonna go cry now, bye!
Submitted by Anonymous
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