Experience:Diazepam 25mg, oral - forget you need to exist

Subject

26/M

177cm, 64kg

November 2023

Background

Just a bloke enjoying to experience modified states of consciousness, would dare to claim years of "semi"-responsible use, including psychedelics (mostly weed) and common prescription drugs among other compounds. Suffering autism and GS (liver condition), aiming for healthy lifestyle balance.

Obviously didn't do it blind, already tested smaller doses first in upcoming weeks (5mg, 10mg) gaining reasonable assurance the higher one won't kill me. The aforementioned effects were therapeutic - like with all the benzos; terrible if you are trying to be productive, it's basically alcohol (not a fan). I put the blotter back on a shelf and forgot about it for a while.

Later, curiosity got the best of me--- what does a strong dosage feel like?

Experience report

No upcoming obligations, randomly woke up in the middle of the night, feeling refreshed and ready to run a marathon, that presented perfect opportunity.

- 0:00 - 1x 10mg pill

- 0:03 - 1x 10mg pill

- 0:14 - feeling sedative effects, decided to eat a snack and drink water to prevent nausea

- 0:20 - 1x half pill - 5mg

At this point, sat at my computer ready to indulge in classical net surfing activities. This is where I completely **blacked out**, losing consciousness.

- 2:20 - noticing the time skipped. made me excited - tried to exercise, felt pathetic, regretful.

- 3:00 - motor control is definitely impaired. nausea. can barely make out the pixels on my screen.

Hurled myself to bed, trying to relax in a comfortable position. An euphoric state of bliss and quiet overpowered by dizziness. Laying down any longer would have me throw up.

- ~3:30? time for my nicotine! got hiccups.

Finding cigarettes couldn't be easier but movements glide and I'm flowing around way too much, bumping into objects along my way as I leave the room, it's fun. Forced myself to finish a depressing smoke at the porch, hanging on by a thread to not pass out there and finally made my way back to lie in bed.

- 5:30 regained some composure, still highly sedated

Found enough willpower to check my phone and reach for headphones, putting on my comfort-watch podcast to play as I drift off.

- approximately at 8:00 & 10:00 movement around the area woke me up momentarily

Probably could've got up, but fell back asleep so fast I have no recollection of what it was about, the bed was very cozy.

- 14:00 lethargic, but capable to human now

Go trough my morning ritual avoiding interactions and begin to note recollections.

- 16:00 lingering effects, mostly euphoric

Would compare this feeling to the one on lower dosages. It's a warm and fuzzy body high, capturing my attention away from other worries.

- 17:00 anxiety relief

Able to hold relaxed conversation with household members, more comfortable to open-up when I'm less focused on how it is perceived.

- 20:00 afterglow barely noticeable

Confidently back to baseline, although my thinking might be a bit slow and slurred. This is a perfect state to binge an entire romance series on Netflix while scooping a bucket of ice-cream.