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| ===[[Intense Psychosis]] — [[Cannabis]]=== | | <div data-alert class="alert-box secondary radius"> |
| *'''Substance(s): Cannabis + Clonazepam'''
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| *'''Dose: 10 mg THC + Clonazepam 0.5 mg'''
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| *'''Route of Administration: Oral'''
| | | <div class="icon">[[File:System-search.svg|link=|50px]]</div> || <p class="title">'''This analysis section is [http://psychonautwiki.org/w/index.php?title=Special%3AWhatLinksHere&target=Template%3AAnalysis&namespace= incomplete.]'''</p> |
| | | <p>''You can help by [{{fullurl:{{PAGENAME}}|action=edit§ion={{{section|}}}}} adding to it].</p> |
| ===Subject=== | | |} |
| | | </div> |
| *'''Age: 21'''
| | <noinclude>[[Category:Panels]]</noinclude> |
| *'''Sex: Male'''
| | <includeonly>[[Category:Analysis]]</includeonly> |
| *'''Height: 174 cm'''
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| *'''Weight: 80 kg'''
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| *'''Date: 12/04/2023'''
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| *'''Location: Brazil'''
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| ===Background===
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| I was never a person who used drugs recreationally — always hated alcohol, cigarettes, etc.
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| I had already smoked weed once with someone I knew, but it didn't have any apparent effect on me, so yesterday I decided to try a marijuana brownie that my stepfather always makes that was in the fridge, and it resulted in this deeply disturbing experience.
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| ===Experience report===
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| All this happened alone at home in the miserable heat of almost 40 degrees.
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| I was bored and decided to eat the marijuana brownie that was in the freezer, and 10 minutes later I didn't feel any effect as usual and I was upset, but after I left the bathroom, I felt my urinary veins hurting a lot and my heart started to beat very fast.
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| After a lapse of introspection, I came to the conclusion that the effects of marijuana never had an effect on me because all it's cognitive, physical and visual effects were already part of me as a human being/mind and I felt relieved that I will never need drugs to "feel good" again... In other words, I'm already instinctively, mentally dominated by dopamine (not necessarily a good thing, but still).
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| After this brief moment of joy, I felt my body feeling hot and my heart was beating extremely fast and making my chest hurt so much, I was almost freaking out thinking I was going to have a fucking heart attack, I called for my mother and realized that I was still alone and would have to deal with this by myself, I was extremely fucked with my life at risk.
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| I called a friend on WhatsApp saying that my heart was going to explode but he is kinda useless and prefers to read all the messages instead of answering me at the moment and sending a thousand audios at once, I just thought "Fuck this, man" and tried to find someone else to listen to me.
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| I had to contact a girl i had never talked to on Twitter and she kindly agreed to help me, and it was in this voice chat on Discord that I completely broke down.
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| She started asking me questions but I was focused on making everything perfect before actually starting to talk, I couldn't unwind the laptop charging cable and I was extremely frustrated and thinking the worst all the time.
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| Once again I thought "Fuck this shit, oh my god" and I took my headphones so she could hear me properly and I asked her several times if she was hearing me correctly until I was absolutely sure that she was, ripping the headphones off the laptop without caring if it would break and letting her hear me through the laptop's microphone which is pretty bad, whatever.
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| I was lost in time and couldn't stop thinking about anything other than this call, my mental state and future (which could end on this day).
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| I started talking about myself and my experience with drugs, saying that I have frequent appointments with my psychiatrist and that I missed her so much.
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| Honestly, I can't remember everything that was said, but in short, the most extreme moments were me starting to talk about my feelings/emotions in relation to this world and myself, at that moment I started crying intensely for no reason. and my mind was completely lost in the logical wires that always surrounded my brain.
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| Out of nowhere I heard a noise outside (I was more paranoid than anything in the world and I didn't know if it was a noise or not).
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| I managed to stop crying immediately and went to drink water to hide that I was going insane, it turned out I was right and my mother came home, luckily she didn't notice anything unusual about me.
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| I managed to contain all the neuroses eating me alive and I felt proud of myself for it.
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| Time was passing extremely slowly and I was worried about that, the battery on the laptop wasn't charging, I couldn't calm down completely and I had to take 0.5 of Clonazepam.
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| I tried to sleep but the thoughts didn't stop and the paranoia didn't stop at any point, she advised me not to take a shower or do anything like that, I honestly don't remember exactly.
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| After the sun set I managed to have some chance of falling asleep and I did what she told me to do, stay still, and just try to sleep.
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| It didn't work, but after lying down in a meditation position, after closing my eyes... I saw my life being projected in cinematic way into the dark of my eyes, and it was kinda wonderful.
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| My family, all my life stages as a child/teenage, my relationships with humans and animals, the things I liked and disliked... practically everything that my life so far has been offered.
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| A few moments after that I felt truly enlightened, like an angel, touching everything that was in front of me and feeling it's textures, it ended up taking me to my room window and it was at that moment that I realized my purpose in life: "Being the best person I can be, ignoring all the negativity that passes by me, loving everything and everyone until they prove me wrong that they don't deserve my compassion/empathy, I am the God of my own world and no one can take that away from me".
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| The effects of clonazepam started to hit and I became more lethargic, deadpan and morose, almost fainting where I was. After that I don't remember what happened, but I'm here in hangover now reporting this bizarrely surreal, spiritual experience after sleeping for several hours, and somehow, I'm glad I experienced it.
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